Sunday, August 18, 2013

Almost a year - what a change

It's been almost a year since I last posted.  I remember exactly why I stopped posting - and I regret it more than you can even imagine. 

Seems around the 1st week in September, I found myself pregnant.  At 39.  While I am happily married with three other kidlets, an unexpected pregnancy took me by complete surprise.  You see, I was on the pill.  I became the .01% of women who become pregnant while taking the pill. 

It took me a while to come to terms with another baby coming but I was happy - we did all kinds of testing to ensure she was healthy.  (Get that?  We found out we were having another girl - which worked out perfectly since our new house only had enough bedrooms for the three children we had - Sweetart could share her room with the new beebster.)  I was once again diagnosed with gestational diabetes, very early on.  I was able to keep it in check by eating healthy. 

Our expected due date was my Poppop's birthday, May 15, 2013.  One day after my 40th birthday.  All systems were go.  All was going well ...

until the fated day ... April 7, 2013.  Darby Grace was born into this world a sleeping angel at 35 weeks gestation.   Her (my) placenta had abrupted - I bled internally, no outward signs of any problems.  Until we got to the hospital and the doctor couldn't find her little teeny heartbeat.  Tim and I were - still are - devastated. 

It is my hope that by starting my blog back up, I can make some kind of sense of this heartache.  Have a place to vent and find my new normal.  I thought it was hard to wrap my head around bringing a new baby home; I have found that it is even harder, much harder, to wrap my head around the fact that our new baby is in Heaven.


Heather said...

Kristie, this post made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing. For explaining. For trusting in your followers to understand, to commiserate, to be there for you and with you. My deepest sympathies to you and yours. Darby Grace is such a beautiful name for a precious angel.

Anonymous said...

Oh how I wish I could give you a hug...hoping a 'virtual' hug will suffice. Let me start by saying how deeply sorry I am for your loss. I, too, lost an infant to stillbirth back in 2002. Her name was Emma, and though we don't know for certain, it appeared that it was a cord accident. I just wanted to share that to let you know that you are not alone in your grief. It's almost an unspoken rule that you just don't talk about the loss of an infant to stillbirth, but to those of us who have had to live it, love to share our story. And, so, it is my hope that you can find healing through your blogging, and through those who have gone through similar situations. We are out here....I'd love to send you a memorial gift for your little angel. Please click on this link, and read more about my story. This isn't spam, far from it. I just want to send you something to remember your baby angel by.

Veronica said...

Whether you feel like it now or not, you are a strong and brave woman. Through your pain and devastation you are continuing to go forward, even though I'm sure there are days you just don't want to. I have never lost a child, but I do know the pain of the loss of close, precious loved ones. Some things we will never understand this side of heaven, but step by step, minute by minute we can learn to trust the One that does have the answers. My prayer for you is for you, your husband, your children and your home. I'm so thankful you have started your blog back up again...